Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Birth Stories: My Second Born

My youngest son is almost a year old. It's true when they say that the days are long but the years are short. Through all the chaos and mental breakdowns, I wouldn't change a single thing.

I previously wrote about the birth story of my first baby boy. And now I'm finally getting to the story of my second son's birth. Not for any special reason other than that I simply felt like it. 😃

My Second Born 

Quick Back Story

Ever since the birth of my first-born, I strongly believed that the ONLY reason I had a C-section was because I had an epidural. When I found out I was pregnant...surprised yet again...I desperately did not want another C-section. Besides wanting to avoid the long recovery time, I simply didn't like the idea of one of my internal organs being cut open for a second time. And I have heard that women who have multiple C-sections can pretty much say good-bye to ever having a flat tummy. So protecting my body and a little bit of vanity, among other reasons, played a part in my eventual decision to have a natural birth outside of a hospital.

Prenatal Care

(This section is mostly about what led me to choosing natural delivery with the help of a midwife rather than going to a hospital. If you just want to read about my birth story, skip down to the section labeled "The Labor").

At first, I chose to stay with my original OB (obstetrician), mainly because I was comfortable with her and scared to try anything new. My primary doctor said she would definitely help me try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), but that it is their policy to schedule a C-sections on the due dates for any women who have previously had one. When I told her I would really like a normal birth, she said that I would probably change my mind near the end of the pregnancy and just want the baby out in anyway possible...(seriously?). Another doctor in the practice asked me why I didn't want another C-section (again...seriously?!). I simply responded that I hope to have several children, but do not want several C-sections.

So after several appointments with the doctors at the practice, I was getting very discouraged and had a strong feeling that if I stuck with them, I would end up having another C-section.

Well into my second trimester, I spoke with a friend at church who was pregnant with her first child. She explained how she had chosen to deliver her child  with a midwife at a birthing center close by. She gave me the number and told me just to call and look into it. I figured it couldn't hurt, but since I was so far along, they probably wouldn't accept me.

So I went on a tour of the facility led by the midwife. In that short, half hour tour, I learned more about labor and delivery than I ever had from my OB. And they said they take patients who are close to their due date, and getting me in would be no problem. I went home and pondered it for a couple days. Asked my husband what he thought. He said he would support me in whatever I believed was best for my health and the health of our baby. (This is a blessing I've learned can be kind of rare as many fathers have very strong opinions about how the mother of their children should give birth). And so the more I thought and prayed, the more I was convinced that I needed to switch to the midwife.

It took a couple of weeks to deal with insurance issues (which were beyond stressful, causing this hormonal, overly-emotionally preggo to cry a few times) but I finally got switched over.

The Labor

Early that Saturday morning, sometime between 6 and 7, I thought I was maybe feeling contractions, but not completely sure. So I got out of bed and made pancakes for me and my family. And I scarfed them down.

By 9 AM, I knew without a doubt I was having serious contractions. By 9:30, they were strong and 2-3 minutes apart. So I thought to myself, "hopefully by noon, maybe 1PM, I'll be holding my baby Axel." I was very wrong.

I read that having a natural labor and birth meant having a clear mind throughout. Some materials even said that it didn't necessarily have to be painful, just really "intense." That was definitely not true for me!!! The pain was so bad that I could not hold down any food. I had thrown up my pancakes not long after active labor started, and I certainly didn't have a clear mind.

I made contact with my midwife by 10 AM, labored at home for a little while longer  (I went back and forth between kneeling, sitting on my exercise ball, and laying down), and then Cameron took me to the birthing center around noon. Both of our moms were with us, and my sister-in-law joined us a little bit later to take pictures and video. I also had my primary midwife and a student midwife there (the student midwife had actually practiced midwifery for a while in England, and was just working on getting certified in the States).

Almost immediately upon arriving at the center, my midwife had me in the birthing tub. I've heard many women say the warm water helps make contraction just a little more bearable...but I didn't really notice any difference. I spent somewhere between 5 and 6 hours total laboring in the tub.

The Delivery

I believe it was around 5PM that my midwife told me it was time to push. For an hour, I kept pushing but made no progress. (One of my favorite memories of my labor was the student midwife gently encouraging me, with her British accent saying, "Push through your bum!!"). During that time of pushing, my water broke, but I had no idea. I later learned that meconium was visible with the "water". I think this put the medical professionals in the room (the midwives and my mom) on high alert.

At almost 6:10PM, they moved me from the tub to the bed. I pushed for what felt like forever. Everyone in the room was encouraging me. I so wanted to give up. So I just took it one contraction at a time. Cameron was holding my head, having me sip water through a straw between contractions. I was so overwhelmed and I did NOT expect to have to push for so long.

We were nearing the end when Axel's head was born. At this point, my midwife immediately began suctioning him. I could see what she was doing, but I couldn't fully process what was going on. The contractions kept coming, but I wasn't allowed to push (just pant). I asked several times if he was okay, and she assured me that he was, and that I just needed to keep my focus on panting and relaxing as much as possible.

It turns out that Axel had inhaled some of his meconium. The moment his head was born, my midwife quickly and vigorously suctioned the meconium from his mouth and throat using an instrument that looked similar to a NoseFrida.

Finally, I was told to push again. A few minutes later, at exactly 8PM, Axel Wayne made his way into the world. He was purple and his cry was weak, but he was healthy. The midwife wiped him down real fast and handed him to me.


I didn't care that I was buck naked in a room full of people. I was just happy to be holding my baby after nearly 12, painfully long hours of labor. In fact, I was eager to nurse him. But he rested on my chest as they stitched me up.

I was thankful to get bathed and clothed shortly after delivery (neither of which happened the same day with my first son). We stayed at the birth center a few more hours to monitor Axel's breathing and oxygen levels, making sure most of the meconium had left his system. We ate Chic-fil-a (thanks to my father-in-law for picking it up!), talked with family and cuddled with our sweet baby boy during this time.

At 1AM, we left the birth center and went home. It was nice to sleep in our own bed that night without nurses checking in on me and baby all the time. (Little did I know that it would be nearly 4 months before I would get 6 straight hours of sleep again!).

My recovery from Axel's birth was different than my recovery from JT's birth, but was just as difficult. It was very tough to walk around for about a week, but after two weeks I was walking fairly normal again (versus taking quite a bit longer to walk normally after my C-section). And (heads up on TMI) it took me several weeks to get control of my bladder (unlike the last time, where I had virtually no problems with bladder control). And just like my C-section recovery, it was a solid 3 months before I had the energy to really get out of the house. Although, there were 3 major circumstantial differences in my two recoveries:

  1. I had to chase around a toddler all day
  2. It took my second baby close to 4 months to stop waking up every 2-3 hours to breastfeed, and nearly 6 months to start sleeping 8-10 hours/night (unlike my first, who was about 10 weeks old by the time we was sleeping a solid 12 hours/night)
  3. I started working a new job (although from home, it was still mentally taxing to start new job so soon post-partum)
So the combination of pushing 3 hours prior to delivery and the very demanding season of my life made recovery rather slow.


Throughout the pains of labor, I didn't think about much besides just getting through the pain. Between contractions, I simply focused on breathing and resting (often drifting to sleep before the next contraction woke me up again). I wish I could say I prayed, that through the pain I cried out to Jesus in anticipation of the beautiful boy he was giving me. But I didn't. I just desperately wanted it all to be over.

Looking back, I know full well that He got me through it. Even though I didn't see Him or hardly thought about Him, He was thinking of me. He kept me going, and He made sure Axel didn't suffer any long-term damage from the complications.

After having two babies, I have learned a lot about how my body works - its strengths and weaknesses. For example, after my first son was born, I was completely convinced that the only reason I had a C-section was because of having an epidural. While it is true that I was very unsuccessful in pushing JT because I couldn't feel a darn thing, I also believe I would've made little to no progress even without the epidural. I had in no way prepared myself physically or mentally for labor with my first born. With my second born, I constantly prepared myself mentally and took much better care of myself physically, yet I still struggled for 3 hours to push that baby out. Looking back, I definitely believe I would've had a C-section with my first even had I opted out of the epidural.

Giving birth and taking care of young children is very demanding on mind, body and spirit. I am constantly reminded of God's sustaining grace through all of it.

I often doubt that my experiences, failures and victories, trials and successes, don't matter much in the big picture of eternity. I mean, billions of women have given birth throughout the course of history, so what does my story matter to the mighty God who has seen it all?
Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. - Luke 12:6-7
One of the coolest things about our God is that He is infinite, not limited by time like we are. Thus, He has the amazing ability to not only care about everything we experience, but to be present in it. Even when we are unaware.

And so I remember that just as I was unaware at the time of how much God was present during my labor and delivery, I am often unaware of how present He is in my daily circumstances. But despite how much I forget, He never does.

Monday, July 31, 2017

Saying Good-Bye to My First Car

I was 18 when I bought my first car; it was from my youth pastor and his wife. A 2005, gently used, red Saturn Vue. When they sold me the car, he expressed a little sadness over letting it go. I honestly thought it was a little silly. Why get emotional over a car? That seems kinda materialistic, I thought. (I'm learning as I get older just how bratty I can be).

Well now that it's time for me to move on from the Saturn, I am finding myself being sentimental over it. I've had this car through the hardest seasons of my life. This car has seen me through:

  • Starting junior college 
  • Moving outside of Texas for the first time in my life (only to return 2 months later!)
  • Getting married
  • Finding a new home church for the first time since I was 9 years old
  • Graduating junior college
  • Moving homes 4 different times (5 different houses/apartments)
  • Starting Bible college
  • Having my first born son
  • Graduating Bible college
  • Having my second born son
  • Changing and losing multiple jobs (having been employed at 7 different places! Geez...but I can honestly say I did not leave any of them on bad terms- and am now blessed to have a position working from home)
  • And probably much more that I will remember right after posting this!

So in all my seasons of change, this car has been a constant.

This car was also the first major purchase I ever made. I paid it off myself (well, I suppose my husband helped with that after we got married 😉). This was the first big item with my name to it (although my mom did graciously cosign so I would qualify for the loan 😝). 

So here is my reluctant fair-well to my first car. 

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Birth Stories: My First Born

God has blessed my husband and me with two handsome baby boys. We've been married for almost 4 ½ years, but the past 2 years have been the craziest roller coaster years of our marriage. But this post is not about my marriage struggles (and many victories!). Instead, I wanted to use this post as the first of two to describe the births of my two sons. My first was born in a hospital via C-section while I delivered my second boy naturally with the help of a midwife.

My First Born

My oldest son was born in September, 2015. Leading up to his birth, I was seeing a very nice, pleasant OBGYN. However, she in no way prepared me for labor and delivery. Every appointment I went to, she always asked if I had any questions, and was more than happy to answer them. But that was it. She did not offer very much information about how my body works while pregnant nor give any advice to prepare me for labor.

The Labor

Two days after my due date, at about 2 A.M., I started feeling a few contractions. I got out of bed and started rounding a few things together. My husband woke up hearing me fumbling around and drove me to the hospital at 4 A.M. Because I was in no way prepared to handle the pain, I made the decision to get an epidural as we were on the road. About an hour after arriving at the hospital, I got the drugs. And boy was I glad I did! I was finally able to relax.

Sometime around mid-morning (I'm not sure of the exact time), the doctor came in and told me that my baby boy's heart rate was dropping just slightly during contractions. They said it was only a minor concern and that I should be safe to deliver my baby vaginally, but they were going to continue keeping an eye on it.

Around 12:30 P.M., the nurse told me I was fully dilated and it was time to push. So for almost three hours I was pushing. I had my husband, mom and mother-in-law in the room to encourage me and hold my hand. But despite my efforts, he made no progress in the birth canal.

The Birth

So a little after 3 P.M., they decided it would be best for me to give up pushing and have a C-section. I was honestly relieved. I felt like I was wearing myself out to no avail. They upped the drugs in my epidural, and we waited. 

At around 4:15, they had my husband wait in a special waiting area while they took me away to prep for operation. Staff told him they would grab him in about 15 minutes to bring him to me for our baby's birth. Almost 45 minutes later, my poor husband was slightly nervous that they forgot about him and he was missing his son's birth.

Right before my husband joined me in the room, the anesthesiologist was drugging me up through an IV. When he would ask me if I felt his pokes, I told him yes every time for about 5 times. I could tell he was reluctant to give me much more, so I pretended to not feel the last one. That was a huge mistake!

When they finally bring my husband to the room with me, they had already started on the incision. Again, things are a little hazy at this point. All I know is I felt a LOT of pain during the procedure. My husband says I was reacting the most whenever they were pulling at skin, muscles, tissue, etc. Whatever it HURT!

At 5 P.M. on the dot, I delivered my beautiful 8lb 9oz baby boy via C-section.

They handed my son to me, but I was only able to hold him for about 30 seconds before I felt like I was going to drop him due to my weakened, drug-filled body. Shortly after they took him back, I passed out for hours.

The Recovery

When I came to, I was very woozy. I remember being in the C-section recovery lab for thirty minutes, but my family tells me we were actually there for several hours. (Apparently that was a big ordeal because others who came into recovery after us were given post partum rooms before, and my family was very eager to see me and baby). But we eventually got a post-partum room around midnight, only thanks to both of our very generous parents who split the cost of an upgraded "suit" room.

The next day, I desperately wanted a shower because I felt so sweaty and gross. However, the staff said it was unsafe for me to shower with the epidural still in my back. Despite my pleading for them to remove the epidural, they kept insisting I should leave it in. This went on for easily 24 hours (although it felt like much longer), before they finally removed it. The three days total in the hospital are total blur to me even to this day.

It took me weeks to fully recover from my C-section. I couldn't even stand up straight for almost a week, and it took a solid two weeks for me to even walk properly.

Circumstances: Deeper Struggles Affecting the Labor

This season of life was the toughest season of my marriage. I struggle to find the words to describe it, except that it was an intense spiritual battle that begin shortly before our son was born. Many of our issues that were lying dormant suddenly awoke with a furious rage.  Satan was fighting hard to tear us apart, tempting both of us to give up. But neither of us wanted our son to grow up in a broken home, nor did we want him to grow up with parents in an unhealthy marriage. And the Lord worked His wonder on our hearts, convicting us both to fight and labor for this sacred covenant. 

I believe this spiritual battle had just as much of an impact on my first born's delivery as my lack of mental and physical preparation did. I had a ballsy friend tell me that, had I chosen not to get an epidural, my body probably would have naturally pushed my baby out. For a long time, up until the birth of my second, I totally believed her. (Although I did deliver him naturally, the laboring for both babies was very similar).

Looking back, I do not believe that what my friend said is true. I was in such a weak state mentally and emotionally that I do not believe I had what it takes physically to push a baby out. I am confident that had I even attempted to deliver him naturally, I still would have pushed for hours with no progress, resulting in a C-section anyway. (I believe my body's bone structure is a major factor in this as well).

In a season of deep struggle and heartache, my son was a profound joy for both my husband and me. And suddenly having to take care of a new life (although I believe life begins at conception) presented a huge opportunity for me to learn a lot about myself, my husband, and my God. But that's a story for another time. 😊

The birth story of second son is in the works as you read this. Stay tuned!