Thursday, February 27, 2014

Just a Frustrating and Expensive Day

Today started off alright...shortly after waking up I read Acts 4, both for my devotion and for the required for a class I'm in. Peter and John are arrested by religious leaders, and then released because they have no reason to hold. But what really got to me was verses 32 through 37. The very first believers in Christ had so much faith in Him that they didn't care about themselves. They would sell all their property to take care of each other and make sure no one was living in poverty. They exhibited true, self-sacrificing love. I can't even imagine the amazing kinds of friendships they had.


And then, after reading that passage, my day went downhill. I can be a very pessimistic person, and some days it takes every emotional fiber I can muster to drive out negative thoughts that have no purpose but to ruin my day. Unfortunately, I did not draw up that strength today. When I thought about how the early believers were, I began complaining to myself about how I don't see the Church in America being that way. And then I began to dwell on how I've been treated exactly opposite in the church, thinking about how other in my life had either wronged me or forgotten me.

Of course, with that on my mind, I was setting myself up for a frustrating day. Usually when I allow myself to become so agitated, I stop thinking wisely. I needed to stop by the post office on my way to work to ship a box. While walking into the building and carrying this fairly large box, I had my phone on top of it. And the moment I barely leaned over, my phone went crashing to the ground. I felt the blood rushing to my face and the tears to my eyes as I just wanted to scream in frustration, because this is not an expense my husband and I can afford... and this was not the first time I had banged up my phone.

After work, I went to my school to pick up some books required for a class I just started. The school is only 25 and a half miles from my home...but across the city...in rush hour traffic. I spent 1/8 tank of gas for the trip. If only I had decided to prepare myself in advance, I could have saved myself the trip and just bought the books when I was already there weeks earlier.

Overall, I spent much more money today than I needed to because I was not thinking clearly or ahead.

And then it kind of dawned on me...yes I started my day with reading the Bible, but I didn't even bother to pray (even my professor stresses that prayer is the first thing we need to do before observing a passage of God's Word). Why didn't I seek to actually talk with God this morning? My day could have gone a lot better if I did. Even if everything happened the same, I might at least have had a better reaction (instead of cursing loud enough for the post office lady to hear me).

But God doesn't let my crappy attitude stop Him. Of course He disciplines us, His children, but always out of love. The same Spirit that drove that early church to love each other so selflessly, that Spirit is self-driven to love me with such sacrifice...Jesus defeated death for me. One unhappy day is not enough  to scare me from asking Him to hold me and take care of me, to be my Hiding Place. We just need to realize that He doesn't promise us to be free from troubles. But I believe he doesn't fail to reveal more of Himself, even in such small ways on hard days. It's not about feeling nice and happy, but about recognizing the magnificence and holiness of God, and His unending love for us.