Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Hating the Struggle


Over much of this summer, I have found myself hating the struggle I am facing. I hate to admit it, but I have even been frustrated and angry with God over my circumstances. I have often shouted inwardly, "Okay, God, I've learned my lesson...You can lighten up now!"

Psalm 22:1-2 (ESV)
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
and by night, but I find no rest.

I'll catch myself in fantasies of what life would be like if things were totally different. Anyone else ever play that tortuous game of what it would be like to win the lottery? It gets so exciting thinking about paying off debt, getting new cars, owning our own home, saving up for retirement and kids' college all in one sitting. But when reality hits, it seems like eternity to wait the years it will take for those dreams to truly come about.

Then I hear a still, small voice asking a sobering question, "Where does giving take place in my fantasy? Where does blessing others play into it?"

It's then that I start to understand that God has me in this season of struggling for a reason much bigger than just learning a lesson. He is refining my character. He is conforming me to the image of Christ. I can use this season to either wallow in self-pity or be filled with the Spirit and gain humble and giving spirit. By being forced into frugal habits today, I can use that to bless more people tomorrow.

Psalm 22:3-5 (ESV)
Yet you are holy, 
enthroned on the praises of Israel.
In you our fathers trusted;
they trusted, and you delivered them.
To you they cried and were rescued;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame. 

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Change

So much change has happened in my life since my last post. There's been some loss and some gain. One notable loss is my old blog: bchearts.net. For a good year and a half I wrote God focused content for my blog, and I am sad to say that all of it is lost, unsalvageable, blast into oblivion. I poured a lot of time and effort into that blog, and it has been really hard to grasp that by making a few silly mistakes, I have nothing to show for my efforts. But that is how life goes sometimes, and I am left to trust God with the remnants, which is this blog, the very place I started over three years ago.

Over the past few years, God has blessed me with a godly husband, and a beautiful baby boy. I thought marriage would change me, but it is amazing how much more so parenting has changed my perspective on so many things. I hope I will never be the person I was before, but I am also learning easy it is for my sinful nature to creep into and control my thoughts and behaviors.

Among other things, I have also finished out my classes for my degree majoring in both Biblical Studies and Biblical Counseling from the College of Biblical Studies (try saying that three times fast!).

Over the years, I have faced a lot of heartache, losing and gaining a lot of friends. Through it all, I have learned how deeply God can change me, and how quickly I can revert back to my old ways. It feels like a never ending roller coaster.

At times it seems so unreal how much changes as life goes on. But in pressing forward, I try to hold onto the truth of Who never changes, no matter how much life does:

Psalm 118:1 (ESV)
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
for His steadfast love endures forever!